ellasomething: Ella. Duh. (Photo Booth)

I have many thoughts to share on this topic, but taking it slowly in terms of unravelling my thought processes will probably work best.

Speaking plainly, I started a blog due to reasons of both visibility and personal expression. It would have been easier to start a vlog/book channel concurrently, thus better satisfying the first part, but here's the thing that might not seem readily apparent: there is a part of me which is shy and retiring and just wants people to leave me alone.

While there certainly also exists an attention-seeking part which enjoys functioning under a jet of lights—which is where the writing part comes in, though only partially (I might explain this at a later date)—the little six year old who couldn't speak up in class and resented being asked to sit up whenever she asked or answered a question persists in lifting up her head once in a while, looking around, and deciding finding a nice, mossy rock to hide under is the best course of action.

The six year old has trouble comprehending the notion of turning on a camera and pointing it at herself, never mind that she is now twenty seven years old and has already appeared both on stage and on camera in the past. Doing this to myself? Doing this to myself? Not what the shy side of me wants to even remotely contemplate.

While I love love love discussing books, and I trust enough in my own capabilities to know that a book channel would be a fantastic medium for me, there exists a mental block so strong that I cannot physically make myself go through it all. Not yet. Maybe never. I just... cannot. No. Please don't make me!

And that might—maybe even should—be the end of that.

Only I pride myself on being realistic, hence this idea must be revisited, certainly, and some compromised reached. Surely.

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ellasomething: Ella. Duh. (Default)
Ella Nicoară

October 2015

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