I'm either too caffeinated for my own good or at the start of sleep deprivation. Either way, this list totally made sense as I was writing it.
I haven't completely tested this hypothesis, but I'm pretty sure the amount of embarrassment one can suffer in front of one's professor goes to infinity. These are the best ways to go about reaching that with minimal straining.
(1). Accidentally attaching smut/porn you'd previously saved on your computer to the e-mail containing your latest assignment. No amount of assurance from your professor can negate the sad truth: they totally opened that one fic you were saving for later. And yes, they will be judging you for as long as you both walk this planet and possibly continuing on into other parts of the Solar System and beyond.
(2). Calling a professor "dude"—in front of an entire auditorium. (To be fair, he did respond, and with utter earnestness. Yes, I've actually done this one.)
(3). Deciding on the spur of the moment to ignore the given essay assignment and to instead write on your own special topic. In detail. With references. When said topic has absolutely nothing to do with the course in question. Bonus points if it turns out to be about something biological, sexual, or just plain embarrassing for everyone involved. Hell, all of the above. (See: Teen Wolf, Stiles Stilinski, male circumcision. Oh, yes.)
(4). "O Captain! My Captain!" Enough said.
(5). Being caught doing the walk of shame by a professor. Bonus points if said professor is also doing the walk of shame at the same time.
...and now I'm wondering whether this will remain my state of mind for the remainder of the semester.
My brain is a strange place.